You're Not Lacking Purpose, You're Just Stressed

Why your body knows your purpose better than your mind.

6 months ago I was convinced I had no reason to be here.

I'd quit my job, spent thousands building my YouTube channel while starting an online community. From the outside, it looked like I was killing it. And at the time, I thought I was because I had all this momentum.

But I was lying to myself.

Everyone convinced me I needed to start a community and do coaching. So I did.

The truth is I just traded my regular wellness admin job for something worse.

I quickly became a cheaper therapist for young men to dump all their trauma/problems on me. Problems I didn't have the energy or desire to hold. I was still convinced I was doing everything right.

That's when my body started screaming at me.

I developed this sharp nerve pain in my right shoulder blade—like someone constantly jabbing my spine with a toothpick. The harder I pushed toward my goals, the worse it got. My body was literally trying to tell me: "What the f*ck are you actually doing? This is not what I want right now."

But I didn't listen. Not until my life went to shit.

I started ghosting clients and avoiding my girlfriend. All out of fear of not being "on my masculine purpose" and having my life together. I went into neurotic debt spending $200 extra per week on manual therapy, trying to figure out why this chronic pain wouldn't go away. $200 a week on top of rent, groceries, fuel—just to get an answer from someone about why my back was in so much pain.

This physical stress, along with debt, led me to the darkest period of my life.

The image below should give you an idea of what happened. About 7 months of no working out between these 2 images.

(Left photo: 93kg, 12% bf. Right photo: 82kg, 18% bf.)

Here's what clicked for me:

I wasn't lost because I lacked direction—I was lost because I was too stressed to hear what my soul was craving. Most of us aren't missing our purpose. We're just too stressed to feel it.

Think about it. When you're stressed, your nervous system goes into a survival state. Everything feels urgent. You make decisions from fear. Fear of missing out, fear of falling behind, fear of disappointing people, fear of looking dumb.

So you chase things that look "responsible" on paper but feel terrible in your body.

Then hustle culture tells you that gut feeling is just resistance you need to push through. So you gaslight yourself into working harder instead of listening to what your body is trying to tell you.

This is exactly what happened to me.

But the thing is: your purpose will never show up when you're stressed. It can only reveal itself when you're calm.

I eventually hit a breaking point where I was having mental breakdowns almost daily. I knew I couldn't keep living like this.

So when I finally stopped trying to find an answer to why I was suffering so much, and just started following what I was naturally drawn to—when I gave myself some self compassion to just be here—that's when the stress of "what's my purpose" lifted. That's when my back pain started to fade away.

Your body is always trying to communicate with you. Your deeper self is always trying to get your attention through the only language it knows: your body.

You'll know something isn't meant for you if it feels stressful and forced. It's literally as simple as that.

When you're aligned with what's actually right for you, it doesn't feel frantic. It feels calm. Steady. Like good advice from a close friend.

Here's the difference between intuition and force (ego):

Force feels like you need to prove, move, and do everything at once to make sure your life doesn't go to shit.

Intuition feels like a calm, steady, energising feeling deep in your gut. A knowing that you're exactly where you need to be. Kind of like an invisible best friend that shows up and gives you the best advice.

Being on purpose isn't even mystical or that deep. Purpose is simply you living in intuitive alignment with what feels right FOR YOU.

A 2 yr old follows their purpose naturally. They dance, play, and cry freely. They express their needs without shame, laugh, and run where they want. These are all examples of purpose. You being purposeful is simply you following your innate desires in the PRESENT MOMENT. Not because of what happened yesterday, not because of what will happen tomorrow or next week.

I mean RIGHT NOW.

What's for you won't miss you. And what's meant for you will energise you, regardless of external logistics or "making money" paradigms.

When my nervous system is regulated, my blood sugar is stable, when I am calm and energised—I don't overthink. I don't spiral into thoughts of what if this happens, what if that happens. I just know what to do next and I do it.

But when I'm stressed and chasing the wrong things, my body quickly rejects it. And it should. That's its job.

This is why I talk so much about nervous system regulation and health. It's never just because I was interested in it—it's because it's the only way I've felt long-lasting fulfilment.

Every idea I've had that has done me well has come after breathwork, meditation, or a period where I'm not focused on getting somewhere. It has always been downloaded to me from somewhere. Call it my unconscious mind, God, whatever.

If I came to the place where you're reading this right now and had the power to strip away all the expectations, worries, and anxieties of what you need to do today—and just left you with a blank mind—I guarantee you'd follow things that gave you energy. And the funny thing is, I guarantee those actions from that pure minded place would make you 100x more money than what you're currently doing. And you'd actually love doing it.

Because you'd finally have the space to just be and not do, ponder, theorise, or think.

So if you've been feeling lost lately, the question isn't "What's my purpose?"

It's "What do I need to feel safe again?"

Your one actionable step today: Pick one thing that's been stressing you out—a project, a commitment, a goal that feels strenuous—and ask yourself: "Does this actually feel right in my body? Does it feel like part of who I actually am? Or am I doing this because I think I should?"

It helps to take a few breaths before asking these questions to yourself too.

If it's the latter, give yourself permission to step back. Your purpose isn't going anywhere. But the peace you desire to feel in your soul might be.

Talk soon,

— Joel

P.S. If this resonated with you, hit reply and tell me what you're stepping back from. I read + respond to every DM and reply.